soothe me like a cup of tea,
you are all my warmth.
Daily rituals I should get into the habit of practicing…
- Reading and writing in the early hours, when the world is still quiet.
- Drinking coffee and tea as a means of meditative detox.
- Yoga (not daily, but I should keep finding time for it a few days a week)
- Thinking about the past less, starving less, binge-eating less, checking the scale less. None of that does anyone any sort of good.
- Write to-do lists for school—commit to them. I am behind in the fact that I was a last-minute hire, but that’s okay. I have expectations to uphold…mine, mostly. I’m not letting myself down anymore.
- Logging my runs—reflecting on how I feel and where I want to head.
- Reminding myself that the entire world could be falling at my feet and that’s never going to make any difference if I don’t believe in me too. No friend, no partner, no relative will ever make me feel whole—that is a power God left in my hands and mine alone.
While I was setting up my desk today, I came across something I wrote last summer. In the piece I had said that “all wrong turns inevitably lead to adventure and broken hearts are bandaged with lessons learned and lingering memories eventually fade with time.” And here I am…one year later.
I am on a new adventure. I have learned that it is never the other person, but myself I do not know how to forgive when someone hurts me. And, those memories—though still searing to the touch—are darkening. When things are bad, they will always, always be better again.
For right now, I’ll keep thinking of the immediate goodness in my life because it is the one true way I will laugh and I will smile and I will beam. To stay here and in the present is how I live my best life.
- I ordered a Chemex coffee pot and electric kettle for my classroom. I’m not entirely sure either is allowed in my classroom but you know, a girl needs her mid-afternoon caffeine fix.
- I have a girl crush on one of my teammates—she’s so cute and nice and a fellow English major. We are meeting to run in the morning even though we have no scheduled practice and I’m just so elated to be a part of a team again with such kind people.
- Everyone in my life—my waterpark coworkers, cooperating teacher, family, friends, and teammates—have reached out to congratulate me on my new job and they are all just so proud of me. It makes me feel so loved to know all of these people believe in me. Laura and my Aunt continue to offer their wealth of resources. My friends are just so happy for me; Mike couldn’t even talk to me he was so speechlessly excited. My new colleagues are so warm, welcoming, and inviting; I am particularly fond of the office secretary. And me…I am overwhelmingly nervous, but I am quietly saying to myself, “You did something worth it Marissa, you proved something to yourself. It is time to start believing just like everyone else.”