I feel better, more emotionally detached from who you are now. But I still keep thinking about who we were and that relationship is what my mind will take time eclipsing. I could sit with you, talk to you, hug you, and even laugh with you today. I could be with you. And, I could recognize and hold in the physical space between us that we won’t work long-term; my feelings for you in our present have metamorphosed to reflect hope for a seamless continuation of our friendship. Moving on will be easier now than it would have been if we hadn’t seen each other. However, the past still haunts me and I need to find ways that will deflect the pain those memories bring about. I’m going to miss that “us” for a while because that was the first sort of “us” I believed in. I know that I am no longer in love with you, but I think I am still harboring our love from that past. It’s lingering and part of me wants to reignite it, but mostly I just want to bury it in a graveyard of broken hearts.
Not even home could heal me; you were everywhere—in every bed, at the kitchen stove, reading in the chair next to me while I slept off my fever on the couch. I am so angry at you for intoxicating my favorite place in the world and so incredibly sad I can no longer share it with you. The only thing that distracts me from thinking about you now is fixating all my energy on tiresome, frustrating, nonsensical crossword puzzles. I can’t even read.
I am just so angry, so fucking angry at you for being such a coward. I hate everything about tonight and what I hate even worse is that I can’t hate the last six months, you fucking fool.
i have never seen a video game bring boys closer together and/or tear them apart, than super smash brothers…
I have so much anxiety that I think my head and chest just might explode.