Life Diverged
Marissa :)Recovering Anorexic, anti-pro ana [excuse the oxymoron]
I'm a long distance runner who runs collegiate cross country and track. I'm looking to finally live healthfully and beautifully. I want to be at a place where I'm strong, toned, and comfortable with the number on the scale. I'm challenging the remainders of my eating disorder head-on, one step at a time, tackling whatever it throws back at me thoughtfully and realistically.
Above all, I want to be able to live life as I used to. I want to make it beautiful.
La vita e bella <3
You pretended the snooze button didn’t exist. You dragged your butt out of bed while others slept. While others ate their pancakes you had a feast of protein, glucose and electrolytes. You double-knotted. You left the porch light on and locked the door behind you. You ran. 5ks, 10ks, 26.2 miles. Some days more, some days less. You rewarded a long run with a short run. And a short run with a long run. Rain tried to slow you. Sun tried to microwave you. Snow made you feel like a warrior. You cramped. You bonked. You paid no mind to comfort. On weekends. On holidays. You made excuses to keep going. Questioned yourself. Played mind games. Put your heart before your knees. Listened to your breathing. Sweat sunscreen into your eyes. Worked on your farmers tan. You hit the wall. You went through it. You decided to be a man about it. You decided to be a woman about it. Finished what you started. Proved what you were made of. Just kept putting mile after mile on your internal odometer.
(via happy-means-healthy)
June 3, 2012
I think I’m ready to start posting my intake again.
Intake:
Breakfast: chocolate protein pancakes [1/2 banana + 1 scoop chocolate whey protein powder + 2 egg whites + 2 T skim milk + 1 T milled flaxseed + 1 tsp cinnamon] + 1 T maple syrup + 1/2 banana, sliced; coffee + 1 T white chocolate macadamia creamer
Snack: Kashi trail mix granola bar
The Return.
NCAAs didn’t go as I’d hoped. I finished 10th after sitting in 3rd for most of the race. Yes, I ran better than I was seeded, but not at all as I had hoped or should have run if you look at how I was running a year ago.
I just got home from our cabin in the Adirondacks where I spent the week with the boy and I had so much fun. I ate healthy for the most part with a few splurges and I was terrified of what the scale might say when I got home today.
At first, I wasn’t going to look at it because I haven’t checked the scale in 3 weeks…3 WEEKS, can you believe it?!?! I can barely believe it. I only checked because I was about to have an anxiety attack when I entered the house. And you know what? I did gain about a pound or so I guess, but not really. It’s hard to say because I have a good idea that my weight is just up from the way I ate the last two days. I can fix that. I’ve had 6 days of no running and I have a little more than a week left of my time off and I’m continuing to commit to the healthy lifestyle I’ve started.
No scale…I know I can do it now!
No desserts. [I’m going out to a new ice cream place with my friends tonight. I don’t know what they have but if they don’t have dole whip or coffee or sorbet or something like that then I won’t get anything]
Mindful eating! This is the big one. I eat really healthy foods; I just need to learn how to eat until I’m full and then STOP!
Think beautiful, beautifuls <3
P.S. Sorry for being gone for so long. There’s no internet at the cabin, which was in all honesty a very nice break.
I love this. Honestly, this post nearly brought tears to my eyes. I wish this thought was drilled into every young girl’s mind.
(Source: sparkle-likeyourdream, via theywill-never-understand)
